I just finished my finals. I'm a excited but just a little. I'm more nervous, but I know everything would be great ( because i'm awesomee )so I'm not understanding the nervousness. I guess it just the random thoughts of 'what ifs'. Nothing unusual here but anyway back to the topic. I'm just starting to realize how crazy it that we know we are so fucking awesome but when couple people dont like us, we start to doubt our awesomeness.
Years ago, it would really bother me when everything was not 100% as I expected and this included when everyone did not like me. I got annoyed with myself I felt that when the number of people that like me compared to the number that didn't wasn't below the arbitrary ratio I set out for myself. The one time was physically confronted about this by a stranger changed this .Weirdly, this is how it started. I went to say hello to a friend and a barely noticable short, dark skinned girl was sitting across from me.
She wasn't the friend but I had heard of her, so I knew her name and that was about it. Almost suddenly , she got up and started to yell that she doesn't like me,she doesnt like my life. It wasn't funny. She was extremely furious like I had personally offended her or attacked her. For the most part I was confused and sad, the fact that I had two people that I considered friends not have anything to say to defend me made me a lot sadder and confused, in fact one of them proceeded to introduce herself to this girl boiling with rage and I am almost certain that the other one had filled her minds with bugs but that's a different story on it's own .
I don't know whether she wanted me to convince her that I am a wonderful person if she just got to know me and she did not need to have all that anger towards me but I felt like that was what I needed to do. I wanted to ask her why she didn't like me and what I could do to change it but I ended up telling her it was fine if she didn't like me. In my head , I was like "what did I just say? it is not okay if someone doesn't like me!" "It would never be fine. Everyone has to like me, one hundred percent!!"
It wasn't until much later that I realized that it was not my job to make people like me. People are generally selective in perception meaning they are going to see, hear and believe what they want, whether you're right or wrong. It's not my job to convince you otherwise. If you like me, you do, if you don't, you don't. That's the beauty of being human, we're free to form opinions, and it's okay. I would never say don't judge me , you are free to judge me, but to me there's really only one judgment that counts. And I am STILL fucking awesomeeee!!!!
Paulo Coelho - "If everybody loves you, something is wrong. Find at least one enemy to keep you alert."
What i'm listening to
If I lose myself - One Republic
The Sweet Escape-Gwen Stefani
Stuck like a glue - Sugarland
Farmer's daughter- Rodney Atkins
Breakeven- The Script
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
Big City Life- Mattafix
